Qpid (⭑⭑⭑)

“Qpid,” I think, is an episode that you either find enough silly humor in to make you willing to overlook its many flaws just enough to more or less enjoy it…or you don’t, in which case you loathe it. I fall into the former camp, but this is one instance in which I have no difficulty understanding the point of view of those in the opposite camp. This is an episode that can in no way be taken seriously. It’s pretty dumb, it makes very little sense, and parts of it are outright offensive. And yet, I would be lying if I denied having a bit of a soft spot for at least parts of it.

Even though there is some semblance of a through line having to do with our captain’s difficulty integrating his confounding feelings for Vash into the rest of who he is, I can’t really take that very seriously, so for me the episode separates out into several somewhat distinct sections: the early parts that focus on Vash’s visit to the Enterprise; a brief middle section in which Q’s appearance causes things to start to take a left turn; and then, of course, the Nottingham stuff. Thus, I’ll offer my thoughts on each of these sections in turn.

I don’t really like Vash any better here than I did in “Captain’s Holiday,” but putting that aside for a moment, I will say that bringing her aboard the Enterprise serves, to an extent, a worthwhile narrative purpose, in forcing Picard to wrestle uncomfortably with his instinctive reserve and his reluctance to “let in” the other people in his life. Rather remarkably, the episode manages to handle the other regulars’ curiosity and amusement upon discovering this secret that their captain has kept from them, and even their smirkily teasing manner in regard to it, in a way that doesn’t irritate me. I enjoy how Crusher, Riker, and Troi each allow themselves a degree of enjoyment over their discovery of the captain’s liaison with Vash and his awkwardness about it, and yet are also protective of him (defending his “very private” nature). Plus, there’s the inevitable (fun) scene in which Riker tries to flirt with Vash and is nonplussed to find that she has him pegged before he’s even opened his mouth. Vash herself seems to pivot rather abruptly from being as entertained by Picard’s discomfiture as anyone to being offended and hurt by his demeanor in a way that I don’t really buy from her, but whatever. I don’t really buy the relationship (such as it is) between these two characters, period, but the episode manages to do something modestly interesting with her sudden reappearance in Picard’s life nonetheless.

Then, of course, Q shows up, and we have kind of the opposite situation: a character whom I like, but who does not really work in this particular episode. Since I don’t buy that Q feels “indebted” to Picard, his role in this episode lacks the ambiguity of motives that distinguishes all of the really good Q episodes, and thus somewhat cheapens the character overall. Not unlike the case of season one’s “Hide and Q,” it feels like he really does just show up to have some pointless fun at the captain’s expense in this episode. Even worse, listening to Q spout trite, sexist drivel along the lines of it being tragic to see “the great Jean-Luc Picard brought down…by a woman” is extremely frustrating. No matter how hard I might try to look past the surface and rationalize that Q’s words should seldom be taken at face value, that he’s deliberately trying to provoke Picard, etc., it doesn’t change either my feeling that this is beneath Q or my view that this rhetoric is just wildly out of place in the fictional 24th century (especially given that I would find it dated and irritating even in a late-20th-century setting). Indeed, the deeply messed up nature of Q’s alleged effort to “help” Picard strongly reinforces my initial reluctance to buy into the premise of his feeling indebted in the first place. (As with “Captain’s Holiday,” what seems to me to be on display here is writer Ira Steve Behr’s recurring, distasteful, and non-Trek-compatible impulse to milk a very dated conception of the “battle of the sexes” for trite humor.) So, I really don’t like the use of Q in this episode much at all…and yet, I confess that the exchange in which Picard tells Riker that Q “wants to do something nice for me,” and Riker replies, dead serious, with “I’ll alert the crew,” is a memorable and funny moment that I have always enjoyed.

Finally, we come to the Robin Hood portion of the episode. My take here is that very little about the characters’ actions is at all believable, and the “plot” is ridiculously thin and flimsy, and there are few (if any) surprises, and (dammit) one is obliged to overlook still more sexism if one seeks to enjoy the ride…but despite all of this, if you sort of turn your brain off, it is kind of fun to watch the characters play-acting as Robin Hood and his merry men. (Do I believe for a second that Worf would indignantly protest “I am not a merry man!”? Of course not. But even so, it’s funny.) Hell, even Vash becomes somewhat fun in this setting, playing off of Sir Guy and the sheriff of Nottingham (both before and after she realizes that he’s Q), although her sniping with Picard still isn’t enjoyable. I still don’t believe in their relationship, so my heart is not warmed when they reconcile in the end and have their romantic moment, or when Vash defends Picard to Q. Even worse is the epilogue in which Vash and Q team up (!?)—a concept that further undermines the enigmatic otherness of Q, while turning Vash’s already grating impishness and obvious incompatibility with Picard into an out-and-out punch line. It just leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Still, Picard and company as Robin Hood and his band? Dumb, but fun.

My only remaining comment about “Qpid” is that there is a part of me that genuinely feels bad for Picard that he doesn’t end up getting to give the speech to the distinguished archeologists that he was so excited about. It’s fun to see him nerding out about his favorite academic subject and craving the approval of the leading lights in the field. This is one small bit of character development in this episode that I actually believe in, and I kind of wish the episode could have done something with that, instead of descending into silliness. Oh well.