Samaritan Snare (⭑)

The yo-yoing inconsistency of the latter part of second season continues, plummeting all the way from the heights of “Q Who” to another low point with this clunker.  When I remember the bad episodes of late second season, I think mainly of “Pen Pals” and “Up the Long Ladder,” sometimes forgetting—or at least remembering less vividly—how similarly bad “Samaritan Snare” is.  I suppose the reason might be that this is sort of a more “blah” bad episode; unlike “Pen Pals,” which offends by abusing the character of Data and flirts with potentially worthwhile issues but flagrantly mishandles them and wallows in ironic hypocrisy, this one—which feels very first-season-esque—is more straightforwardly banal, stupid, and pointless.  Also, although the characterization of Picard is pretty terrible, it’s terrible in all-too-familiar ways, which puts this in a different category from the butchering of Data in “Pen Pals.”  But still—this is a really, really bad episode.

The shipboard plot—a boatload of idiots provides cheesy comic relief, then turns out to represent a supposedly serious threat—is a stupid idea that also gets executed poorly.  The very existence of the Pakleds is an insult to the intelligence of the audience, and the notion that they could seriously give the Enterprise trouble is a slap in the face to the characters.  I don’t for a minute buy the jeopardy that Geordi is supposedly in, any more than I buy the idea that the Pakleds could function outside a home for the mentally handicapped.  The inept foreshadowing (Worf clearly suspects trouble early on—based on nothing, really—but is ignored) and the cheesy hype (Troi spazzing out about the “great danger” that Geordi is in) via which the episode attempts to generate tension are very first-season.  Plus, on a character level, Data reverts to bad first-season habits by commenting pointlessly on various things and sounding not at all like an android, while Riker behaves like an unskillful, belligerent ass.  Eventually, the characters come up with a lame “ruse” to fool the idiot Pakleds, overplay their big “tip Geordi off” scene, and then put on a show that utterly fails to pay off the overplayed setup—or even to be particularly clear as to what exactly it is that they’re doing that’s supposed to be so clever.  All in all, then, this storyline is a complete and total waste.

The Picard/Wesley plot, while better than the Pakled travesty, still isn’t very good at all.  First (and worst), Picard has yo-yoed back in this episode from the complex, appealing, insightful character whom he’s meant to be, and who has shone through in many of the better episodes of the season (notably the one immediately before this one), to the stodgy, officious fuck that I don’t at all love to hate from first season (and many of the lesser episodes of this one).  His stick-up-the-ass refusal to let Pulaski do surgery on him, and his ill-tempered “god dammit, it sure is annoying to have to put up with doctors wanting to keep me alive” moodiness and attitude, are just intolerable.  I get that reserve is a key element of his character, but I simply do not buy his childish captain’s egotism, or his worry about his “innards” becoming “fodder for Starfleet gossip” (for one thing, surely medical professionals are still bound by, and still respect, standards of privacy and confidentiality in the twenty-fourth century!).  The idea of putting Wesley and the captain together in a shuttle and allowing interactions to develop between them has merit, but Picard’s childish moodiness mars the outcome—and Wesley’s inability to glom on to the fact that the captain isn’t interested in chit-chat (he’s trying to read a book, for chrissake!) comes across wrong as well.  We’re clearly supposed to be “on his side,” rooting for him to draw Picard out—but the unskillful way in which it’s done makes them both look bad.  Then, eventually, the captain suddenly decides (with no apparent trigger) to make nice, and they have a pleasant conversation—though even after this, officious-prick-Picard can’t help but to continue to patronize Wesley in the most insensitive, unskillful, and full-of-himself way (this following a speech about how cocky and full of himself he “used to be” back in the day when he fought the Nausicans!).  By establishing Picard’s artificial heart and the backstory concerning how he came by it, this crappisode ironically sows the seeds that will one day make the stupendous “Tapestry” possible; what the point of it all in the here and now is supposed to be, though, is less than clear.  I mean, sure—establishing a bit of interesting back story for Picard is nice—but nothing about the Picard story in general, or the Picard/Wesley interactions, gels into any kind of coherent character or thematic arc.  The whole mess just seems painfully amateurish.

Thanks, but no thanks.